Resilience is about coping with setbacks. It’s about finding the strength to respond to life’s challenges. There are many setbacks in life one must meet and overcome. One of those challenges is the loss of a loved one.

Three years ago, after I lost my son, I started seeing a grief counselor. Having the opportunity to talk to someone who did not judge and just listened was very helpful and got me through some very tough times.

My counselor suggested I keep a journal of my thoughts, and memories of my son, so that maybe someday I could look back and see where I was then in comparison to now. The counselor also noted that I could someday share those memories of my son with my grandson.

Some cope better than others when times are tough. Some of us find it hard to open up to others about the troubles and feelings we are facing. We keep our thoughts to ourselves and let these thoughts fester and then either isolate ourselves or take our frustrations out on others. We don’t give ourselves the outlet we need to relieve the stress we are under.

In my opinion, one of the best ways to cope is to keep a journal.

The journal becomes your private confessor. It’s your personal recollection of your observations, thoughts and experiences. You can choose to share it or keep it just to yourself.

There are no rules in keeping a journal. You can choose when and where to write. You can journal while waiting at the doctor’s office, while waiting for your car to be serviced, or whenever you have a free moment. Some journals come with blank pages, while others include prompt questions to aid in provoking your thoughts.

Writing in a journal forces you to slow down and pay attention to what is going on in your life. You are not being judged—it allows you to explore forgotten parts of yourself that need to heal. This can decrease depression and anxiety.

Keeping the journal creates a record of your life in which you can go back to and notice certain patterns. These patterns may be ongoing issues or conflicts, but as you keep writing you may find the solution to any long-standing problem or issue. This may empower you to make healthier choices.

Writing also releases pent-up emotions, feelings of anger and hurt, sadness or jealousy. Once you can identify those feelings, you can begin to deal with them. Journals allow you to record all the good things that have happened and to reflect on what you have accomplished and what you are grateful for. When experiencing a tough day, look back at the journal and remember that there are better days ahead.

Give yourself the solitude needed to record even the briefest thoughts. There are no restrictions on keeping a journal, and it can relieve you of some of the stress of everyday life.

*Written by Chester Curtis, Army Resilience Directorate