7 Things a Suicide Survivor Wants You to Know

We all can have bad days where we may choose to isolate, sulk, or even have a good cry. For some however, these days can turn into several days, weeks, or even months feeling as though a thundercloud is looming over our heads. This is when we often turn to comfort--people, animals, activities, and even food to perk our spirits and welcome some sunshine. But for some, it’s hard to see the light and their cloud becomes bigger and darker. Self-harm, risky behaviors, and thoughts of suicide cloud their vision, making it difficult to get help.

Understanding what individuals considering suicide are experiencing is important to not only mitigate deaths by suicide, but also help them heal and recover. In addition to ACE and Engage trainings, which do an excellent job focusing on prevention and intervention efforts, understanding an individual’s mindset and being empathetic can help on a more personal level.

7 things a suicide survivor wants you to know*:

1. “I didn’t really want to die--I just wanted the pain to stop.” It is a common myth that talking about suicide will make them consider it more. Don’t be afraid to start the conversation. Ask them how they are feeling and tell them you care about their wellbeing, and escort them to the nearest medical facility for help. See what the Mayo Clinic says here.

2. “You may not have suspected anything--I wore a mask to hide how I was truly feeling.” Learn the many warning signs; some of them may not be obvious. Financial or relationship stress can be a key factor when someone is considering suicide. Keep your eyes peeled and ears open for any suspicious or change in behavior, regardless of how happy they may appear.

3. “It was hard to see the sunshine when all my days felt gloomy and rainy.” Pessimism may contribute to higher suicide risk while optimism can lower it. Understand that being optimistic may be hard for them at that time, so help them see all the positives in their life. See what a study at NIH says here.

4. “Feeling depressed and suicidal wasn’t a choice--it was my constant state of being.” People with depression can’t just "snap out of it" and get better. Encourage them to seek help and let them know you’ll be there to support however you can. Find out more about depression here.

5. “I wanted people to reach out to help me, but I was scared they’d judge me.” Social stigma is a huge problem when seeking help. What will others think of me? Will this jeopardize my career? You can do your part to help end social stigma by being part of their support system. When someone has a healthy and open-minded support system, they are more likely to seek help for their mental health concerns. You can be an active part of this support system by being empathetic to their situation, respecting their feelings, encouraging them to get help, lending an ear to listen, and being there for them every step of the way. The National Institute of Health did a study here to prove it.

6. “I didn’t drink to have fun like everyone else--I drank to numb my emotions and escape reality for a while.” People often drink for one of two reasons: to cope or be social. Individuals considering suicide frequently drink for both; to cope and alter reality and be more social and outgoing so no one suspects anything is wrong with them. You can help by suggesting safe and sober activities to do with them, such as physical activity like a hike or playing games that foster interaction, while getting them to talk out their problems and think more rationally and positively.

7. “I wasn’t seeking attention—I was seeking help.” The last thing many suicidal individuals are thinking about is attention. Take every ideation or mention of suicide seriously. Contemplating suicide is not the typical reaction to stress. Assume you are the only person who can reach out and get them the help they need, immediately. Don’t forget to Ask, Care, Escort and learn more ways you can help here.

The internal thunderstorm in a suicidal person’s mind can often cloud their judgment and reasoning. Regardless of all the positives in their life (such as a career, family, and friends), they only see the negatives (financial hardship, failing relationships, etc.). They want the pain to stop and often feel the only way to resolve it is to end their life. By understanding a suicidal person’s mindset and creating a climate of empathy, trust, and support, we can encourage these hurting individuals get the help they need and decrease the looming social stigma that follows.

It’s important to remember that it can’t rain forever, and that sunshine is just upon the horizon.

If you or someone you know is having suicidal ideations, click here to talk to someone now.

*These insights are from first-hand experience of someone who attempted suicide.